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Texana's Kitchen

So, up until this point, my husband has managed to escape any real significant embarrassment in my stories.  Oh, I have talked about how we met, and his less than adventurous culinary tastes.  I may have mentioned a drunken party foul or two, and I DID post that picture of him in yellow tights.  But compared to all the stories about my smelly teenagers and their nether bits, Greg has really dodged some bullets.  That ends today.

We are talking about gas. And I don’t mean ethanol, petrol or helium.  Not argon, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide or ether.  There will be no discussion of butane, oxygen or halogen.  Nope.  We are talking about methane.  Toots. Farts. Whistleberries. 

Now, I know the more sensitive of you are thinking “Lawdy Mercy—can’t believe this girl is writing about gas…Shocking…Vulgar…tres declasse….”

I say, you’re right!  But…Children adore it.  Wives fear it.  Animal rights…

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Hot Dog Showdown: Potts’ serves up a chili-mustard-onion dog

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Potts’ South Broad Street locale is your classic Lehigh Valley hot dog joint. No tables. No frills. The same wood paneling that probably graced the walls when the place first opened up.
If you have some time, you can chow down at the counter along the front window or plunk down on the park benches across the street. Just be careful crossing the street.
The dogs are grilled and the buns are steamed. Beahn had a batch of chili brewing in the back when we visited. The scent added to the environment.

Jim “Top Dog” Deegan – I’m not a chili-lover. And in hot dog heaven I wouldn’t figure on pairing chili with mustard. But it’s a combo that has worked well for many years in these parts. Potts’ in Nazareth knows to stick with a good thing.
Pottsie’s hot dog with everything strikes a nice balance between chili, mustard and onions.
The mustard and onion comes matted to the bun and is invisible when first served up. That’s actually part of the dog’s appeal. You’re not overwhelmed with a heaping of chili or an overflow of onion chops that make it a mess to eat on the run.

Masked Muncher –  When I unwrapped these puppies, their aroma greeted me like an old friend. I was glad to have mustard back as a topping. And placing the onions underneath the dog allowed for easy handling. But it was the chili that stood out.

You’re not going to find this stuff down in Texas. It’s more like a paste than a chunky soup. The meat’s very finely textured, allowing the chili to cling to the dog and blend well with the mustard. The flavor’s sharp, but not overpowering. Potts’ added just the right amount, in my opinion.

Kelly “One Bite” Huth –  Mustard and onions sound delicious. Chili and onions sounds like a meal. But chili, mustard and onions? I was concerned about this dog that sounded like it had everything but the kitchen sink. I expected at first bite you’d lose flavor, because the hot dog would be overpowered. Completely the opposite. The steamed roll had a slight crunch to it, and the grilled hot dog was perfectly cooked. A light layer of mustard, and finely diced onions sat at the bottom of the roll. The hot dog was coated with a very, very thin chili that would be best described as a sauce rather than the chunky meat and bean combo I was expecting.

307 S. Broad St., Nazareth, Pa.

Prices: Hot dogs cost $1.32; $1.74 with cheese; $2.16 with cheese and bacon

Other toppings: Mustard, ketchup, onion, sweet or hot relish, sauerkraut, chili, pickle on the side (by request)

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Tuna with @LustyMonk via @forever_uncool

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You know you’re doing something right when your son emails Lusty Monk recipes, with pictures!

Tired of mayo weighing down your tuna salad? Lusty Monk mustard offers a light and tasty way to spice up your boring and bland can of tuna.

Start with 2 cans of light chunk tuna.

Add chopped carrots and celery.

Toss in a handful of Crasins.

Mix in your favorite Lusty Monk mustard to taste!

Throw it on some multi-grain bread with some fine swiss and you’re set for a healthy and light lunch.

Shots at Jack Daniel’s Distillery?

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For the first time, visitors can sample Jack Daniel whiskey on tours at the Lynchburg distillery under plans being fine-tuned. It was outlawed until recent legislation authorized it.

But a distillery spokes-man says there’s little worry about getting tipsy.

“You get three samples, just a sip,” said Steve May.

The tastings may be held, at the option of the retail licensee without filing any notice with the commission, during the hours the retail licensee is open for business and no charge or fee may be assessed by the commission for a retail licensee to offer such complimentary samples. The commission may limit the size of each tasting to a specific ounce and the number of samples a customer may taste in any one day. In addition, the commission may limit the number of different products a licensee may offer for the complimentary samples in any one day.

Graveyard in a can

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Gothenburg, Sweden-based psychedelic doom rock bandGRAVEYARD has released its own beer, Hisingen Brew. According to the group, it is “made from special Cascade-hops that makes it taste even better lukewarm for your festival nights.”

Hisingen Brew is only available in Sweden (in an “ölflak”) for the time being and it can be ordered from Systembolaget.

GRAVEYARD was honored with the “Best Hard Rock/Metal” award at the Swedish “Grammis” gala, which was held on February 14 at Kungliga Operan in Stockholm.

GRAVEYARD‘s second full-length album, “Hisingen Blues”, sold 1,000 copies in the United States in its first week of release. The CD landed at position No. 48 on the Top New Artist Albums (Heatseekers) chart, which lists the best-selling albums by new and developing artists, defined as those who have never appeared in the Top 100 of The Billboard 200.

“Hisingen Blues” entered the official chart in Sweden at position No. 1. The CD, which was released in North America on April 19, 2011 via Nuclear Blast Records, was produced, recorded, and mixed in 100 percent analog by Don Alsterberg (JOSÉ GONZALES, JUNIP, SOUNDTRACK OF OUR LIVES, THE INTERNATIONAL NOISE CONSPIRACY) at Don Pierre Studios in Gothenburg, Sweden.

Pardon me, have you change for a dime bag?

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A man walks into Denny’s for a late night munch out….

Saturday in Niagara Falls, N.Y., The Buffalo News reports. The man placed a to-go order for a burger and fries, which rang up to $9.91. When it came time to pay, the man came up short — but then had a pothead epiphany.

The man only had a $1 bill and a bag of weed, so he offered them in exchange for his Denny’s dinner. He must’ve been totally bummed when the cashier turned him down. Undeterred, the man then turned to his fellow Denny’s diners, trying to sell his bag of pot for cash.

It’s not clear if any patrons took him up on the offer, because the cashier was a total buzz-kill and called the cops. This caused the man to cut short his drug dealing and run off into the woods. He hasn’t been seen or heard from since.

Joe Billy fights Whiskey Fungus

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LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WHAS11) — Distillers call it the “angel’s share” of the whiskey, when ethanol evaporates from the whiskey barrels during the aging process. But three parties are calling it quite the opposite, saying the ethanol is causing a whiskey fungus that covers their homes and cars. They’ve filed a class action lawsuit against Diageo, Brown-Forman, and Heaven Hill Distilleries.

For the past eight years, Joe Billy has put time, effort and lots of money into renovating his house, only to find he has an incessant mold problem. A problem he believes is caused by whiskey fungus.


Don’t let the Bed Bugs bite, go to bed drunk

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The common bed bug mainly survives on human blood, but what happens when that human has upped his or her blood alcohol content with a few glasses of a nice red wine? New research from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln suggests bed bugs are not as fond of alcohol as their boozy hosts, which may lead to fewer bug bites. You still may wake up covered in food, shaving cream or magic marker but you will be bite free.

“[Bed bugs] need a blood meal to grow and to molt and to reproduce,” explained Ralph Narain, a Ph.D. candidate who conducted the work as part of his dissertation. “And one of their main hosts are humans, and we consume a lot of stuff. Alcohol was one of the easier ones to start with.”

Narain presented the findings last week at the National Conference on Urban Entomology in Atlanta.


The Dark Knight Rises…With Mustard and Extra Relish

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.@LustyMonk Sausage Balls

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Lusty Monk Sausage Balls

1 lb Sausage (Mild or hot)

1 Egg

6 oz Grated Cheddar Cheese extra sharp

1 medium grated onion

3 tablespoon Lusty Monk mustard (your choice, Original, Alter Boy or Burn in Hell)

3 cups Bisquik

Mix all ingredients together. Mixes best with your hands. Pinch off small pieces and form into balls. Cook 10-15 min at 350 in dutch oven. Makes 6 dozen.

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